don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
