I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
