Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
