The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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