Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
