My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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