I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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