flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
