o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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