I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
