dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
