I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
