There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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