He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
