its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
