I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
