I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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