did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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