we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
