Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
