Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
