I am puke
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
