I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
