her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
