I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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