my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
BRING THE BAGELS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
