Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
