is this the sara with the beer cane?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
