Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
