I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
