my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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