return my video game
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
