Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
