please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize