omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
