I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
