i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
