Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
