we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
