he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
