So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My life is pants optional.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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