please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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