Will you blow on my dice?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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