i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize