Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
