I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
