Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
