At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
