I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
