You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
