Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
PANTIES FOUND
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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