He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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