no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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