I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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