I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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