I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
