hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
