At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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