I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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