First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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