i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
