Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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