after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
