Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
