Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
