10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
