I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
